RTFU

The Norwich Speedtrap

By
Updated: March 16, 2007

norwichDear Ranger Up and other faithful readers,

My name is Doug and I go to Norwich University the Military College of Vermont. Just as your website states, not everyone’s war stories end in High School. I have my group of brothers up here who I have been with since our Freshman year as members of our beloved Insane India Company…with these guys it is always a shit-show. As Freshman we are called “Rooks” and so your Original Platoon of “Rook Brothers” are the guys that you go through the challenges of Freshman year with and the bonds we form last forever. The following story is not one of wild times, but so relevant it just must be shared. I hope you enjoy…

Officer X

As every good story starts, this one is no different: So there we were…doing what we do best…screwin’ off and trying not to get caught while finding a way to entertain ourselves in the middle of Podunk Vermont with the very little free-time and limited supply of female counter-parts we have to work with. With that in mind, I look at my Rook Brother TJ and say “I think I am gonna be a good guy for once and get my girl some flowers …you feel like givin’ me a ride to town?”

Now, in the middle of Vermont floral shops are few and far between, so we were forced to venture out onto the Inter-state highway for a 30-minute drive….

Flashback…2 months prior…

On our way to Friendly’s, TJ, myself and a few other of us whom the hippies of Vermont so hate, were in the car doing the only correct thing on a 65 mph highway…driving a reasonable 85 mph. And of course, there go the lights…Vermont State Trooper. He walks to the car and we notice he has a Scuba Bubble on his uniform, “Great, this guy was in the military…we might get out of this.” He does the license and registration thing and then asks us if we are in “the Corps” (Corps of Cadets at Norwich University). We respond with a sound “Yes, sir” as TJ has his Military ID sitting on his lap in plain view for the State Trooper to see. He runs the license and returns to say: “You boys are lucky, I am the only Vermont State Trooper who graduated from Norwich…Class of ’95. Have a good day and do try to slow down a bit.”

Back to the Story…

TJ and I are on our way to the Florist on the same highway with a speed limit of 65 mph and of course we were driving…90mph. What? We got away with 85…why not up it?

Same spot, flashing lights. We begin to laugh…our luck right and of course we are in another guy’s car.

As the Trooper walks to the car TJ looks at me and says “HOLY SHIT…It’s him! It’s the same guy!”

“License and registration please?”

TJ takes out his Military ID and sets it on his lap again making this action quite obvious, while reaching for his license.

“Registration?”

At this point I have looked everywhere and I finally say.. “Uh, sir, this is our buddy’s car and well I can’t find the registration.” See, our other dear Rook Brother, Skank, yes his last name is spelled Schenck and pronounced “Skank”, decided it is a good idea to keep his registration to his car in his wallet.

“Well, can you tell me where you were going in such a hurry?”

At this point TJ points at me and says “We were going to get this guy’s girl some flowers.”

The Trooper bends down, looks in the window at me, tilts his Round Brown back and says: “Flowers huh…you fuck up or just ‘cause?”

Taken a bit aback I hesitate and say: “Uh, just ‘cause sir.”

He simply responds with “One moment please.”

I am thinking to myself, “Shit! We are going to have to some how prove we didn’t steal this car.” He returns to the car, looks in and says “I was in the Corps…you’re lucky. What company are you boys?”

“India Company sir.” We both respond.

“Ah, Insane India…figures. Have a good day.”

I Heart Irony

We drive away, laughing again at how lucky we are to have been pulled over by the same Trooper. We decided we needed to send this guy flowers from “India Company” considering he has saved us points on our license and approximately $200.

A little further up the road TJ looks down and says “OMG…NO WAY!”

Thinking we are getting pulled over again I say “What? What is it?”

“Look at what shirt I am wearing.”

My dear friend was so fashionably sporting none other than one Ranger Up “Military IDs: Getting Soldiers out of tickets since 1775” Shirt. We both laughed hysterically and moved on.

Sincerely,

Doug, TJ and the rest of Norwich’s India Company.

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