RTFU

John’s Crusade

By
Updated: January 18, 2007

 

john1The Saga of John

Recently, I was contacted by some of my good buddies to tell the story of John. The short painful version goes something like this:

John enlisted in the Army hoping to serve his country and better himself. He enlisted as a medic, where he spent several years before opting to become an officer. A Medical Services officer and a soldier’s soldier, John volunteered to serve with an infantry unit, and spent significant time in Korea and Iraq as part of a MiTT team. He’s the kind of guy that you really enjoy being around and you know you can always count on.

You’d think that any woman would feel blessed to have a patriotic, hard working, dedicated man like John. Unfortunately there is one woman who doesn’t. John was married to a woman who makes Satan himself ask, WTF?

john2Note: I know this is where some of the ladies are already thinking – hey there are two sides to every story, guys! Don’t just bash this woman. Well…to combat that, I am going to dig deep and look to my feminine side and place the Woman’s Perspective (WP) in italics after each comment. 

She didn’t work, but spent the money John earned like it was going out of style to the point that they were strained financially.

WP: Well, it sounds like he was gone a lot! Maybe she shopped to make up for how much she missed him!

She nagged John constantly about how late he worked and how he was always in the field, making sure that he felt like he was failing her, despite the fact that he had been very upfront about Army Life.

john3WP: Sometimes, when we miss you guys, we lash out when you’re about to leave. It’s just because we love you!

But she cheated on him countless times while he was on those field problems and when he was deployed to Korea and Iraq, she was screwing enough guys to put together a full court basketball game.

WP: Uhhh…well cheating is never excusable, but it’s hard to be alone sometimes…not that it makes it okay…I personally wouldn’t do that, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s evil.

Oh yeah, and she led John into believing that they would have children, but secretly had an operation to prevent that very thing while he was in Korea and never told him about it.

WP: WTF? Are you f*cking kidding me? What a bitch!

Despite these horrendous grievances, John remained true to his wife. While some people take the sanctity of marriage for granted, John isn’t one of them.

john4WP: Awwwww…

After years of torture and degradation at the hands of his wife, John finally accepted the divorce she forcedupon him. John doesn’t take commitments lightly and felt like a failure for watching his marriage fall apart. He’s a strong man, and sometimes it’s hard for strong men to admit they can’t fix something.

Now, John is heartbroken, intimidated by the dating scene, and left with a tricked out minivan (it’s embarrassing) his wife left him in their divorce.

WP: Poor guy…I wish I could meet a guy like John!

Well there’s great news! His brothers in arms, unbeknownst to John, and with some small support from Ranger Up, have decided to help him back into the world. John’s buddies planned the Crusade to get John La…Loved. And what better place to find true love? That’s right folks – Las Vegas. With a dedicated team of wingmen, John will once again face the women of the world in the hopes of finding his one true love…if only for an evening.

Guys – send John moral support at crusade@rangerup.com.

Girls – want to meet John? Send e-mails to crusade@rangerup.com.

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